Saturday, March 31, 2018

After all these years

You would think I would be used to this cuckold thing by now. I guess in a way I am, but at the same time my stomach is always in knots when I know she's meeting someone - especially if it's someone new. The 'not knowing' what is going to happen aspect always causes me anxiety in the days and hours leading up to a date.

Of course, I really know what is going to happen when she meets a guy. The bottom line is, my wife is most likely going to let another man fuck her. I know it, she knows it, and usually the guy is pretty sure as well.  I suppose the desire for sexual satisfaction has many nuances, but I do still struggle to accept that Lisa gets her satisfaction from other men.

If you have followed our journey through the years, you probably know Lisa has had a steady regular sex partner for the last 2 or 3 years. Since she's been with him, I don't often worry anymore about who she is with or if she's safe. Her bull likes her a lot and visa versa and he would never do anything to her detriment. She met him when he was 28 and Lisa was 50, He's still only 31 years old now, he's a tall athletic black man with a very large cock and he absolutely loves fucking my wife.  The two of them get the sexual satisfaction they both need and want and are otherwise not getting.

They get together alone a lot now. I'm not able to see what happens very much anymore. As hard as it was to watch it, it is sometimes harder to not watch - to not know. On the rare occasions when I'm allowed to watch, I'm not allowed to video anymore. He's very dominant with me, and he has decided this is how it will be. As you may have seen is some of our videos, He usually refers to me as 'cuck', as a means of showing Lisa he is superior. Lisa goes along with whatever he says, so there is really no way for me to change that aspect anymore until He changes his mind.

 For most husbands, if a guy looks or touches their wife, they become suspicious and will intervene.
But I'm a cuckold husband and it's different for me. Cuckolds are conditioned to expect that men will look at and touch what's theirs. Over the years, Lisa has gradually conditioned me to accept allowing other guys to be with her sexually.  I know, deep down.  the reason for my 'conditioning' is that I was not able to step up to the plate. Unable to please her sexually, I gradually allowed myself to become a cuckold by not putting a stop to Lisa's many extra-marital conquests.

I wasn't able to put a stop to it because deep down I knew the truth. There was no question - I did not have the size and stamina that Lisa needs. I have only four weak inches to offer her and it is not nearly enough.  But to her credit, she gently let me know it and She also came up with a solution - she would get the sex from men who had what she needed, and I would be there to ensure her safety, and able to watch.
By not stopping it right there, I became compliant and weak -  to both Lisa and to the men she meets.

This is the slippery slope of cuckolding, for me at least.  My acceptance of the bulls dominance over me has emboldened the bulls and Lisa. Many bulls feed off of my compliance and weakness and use it to gain the upper hand with my wife. They see it as their opening to show my wife that she should look to them for sex and not to me -  her husband. This makes them even more naturally dominant with me. Lisa's current bull does this in several ways, first, he never calls me by my name. From the first night we met him for drinks at the hotel bar, he has only called me 'CUCK'.  Lisa has never once defended me in this regard or asked him to call me by my name. Then again, although she often refers to me as a cuckold, she herself has never called me 'cuck' (which seems so much more demeaning to me) - so I guess I should be happy about that.

When I watch them, I am in a chastity lock, the key is usually worn by her around her ankle bracelet.
As she gets fucked, I see and hear the key and the locket dangling there, both are there to remind me that I'm being cuckolded.

Last year I started to put all the pieces of my cuckolding together into a video story that would make sense to me. Basically, it's an explanation to myself on how I became a cuckold husband. So far I've posted 10 chapters of this video 'book' and the most recent 'Chapter' is a good example of how the verbal and physical queues of Lisa's current bull change how she sees me. One must remember this is only their second 'date' but in looking back, it's so obvious to me now what he was and still is doing. By calling me 'cuck', ordering me to apply lube, or 'Put it in', he was able to change her perception of me from her 'husband' to the 'cuck'.

Here is the link to my video book where you can see how I became 'Cuck'


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