Thoughts and feelings of a cuckold

Sorry for the delay in posting but unfortunately it seems the photo/video upload feature on this blog weren't working, so it took a while to figure out what was wrong.

For the next 3 years Lisa was very active, playing whenever the opportunity and urges arose. During that time she really was looking for a regular partner but that proved difficult to find. Most times the guys we met would just disappear after they fucked her. This was strange and disappointing because they all seemed to really enjoy her. After fucking her we would wait for them to contact us on yahoo or by email or phone, and with few exceptions there was nothing. I put allot of effort into finding someone good for her and then I would have to do it all over again. We were trying to either find a steady for her or have a small stable of men who were reliable that we could call upon to meet whenever she had the urge. I was tired of asking the same questions, trying to see through the lies, fakers and picture collectors.

So over this period of time there were about 15 different men who Lisa enjoyed, mostly one nighters. One had her 4 times, the rest were one night stands really. They were mostly black because the reality is, they are bigger and size is of great importance to her. She also was turned on by the taboo aspect of having sex with black men. A middle aged wife and mother who had the freedom to have sex with anyone she wanted - this seemed to turn her on, and  to indulge in interracial sex made it all the more exciting. She particularly likes their aggressive nature and animal passion.

My feelings about this are mixed. On the one hand I am deeply wounded and somewhat humiliated by the fact that I do not satisfy my wife's sexual needs. On the other hand there is a part of me that finds her promiscuity exciting. Before each date, I am always extremely excited, nervous and uneasy, there is a queasy feeling in my stomach as she prepares for the night ahead. I've actually hurled a few times as she primped and dressed for a date. Feeling sick to my stomach before her date is part of what I expect even after all these years. It's hard to explain this feeling, but knowing that in a few hours she's going to be giving herself to another man both excites me and makes me sick.

Although the men she meets are always friendly and cordial to me, I wonder what they must think of me. They are using my wife for sex. They have no other motivation other than to fuck her, yet this is the mother of our children, the woman I married and sleep next to each night, the woman I have a life with. And she chooses to have sex with them and not with me. It's pure physical lust but they take what should be mine, and that is a thought that I cannot get out of my head.

I also think a lot about the actual act when I am watching or videoing. I am in the room and a few feet away, there is a man having sex with my wife. I sometimes thing about how he must feel inside her. Before Lisa became sexually active with others, I had fucked her many times over the earlier years of our marriage. I imagine how he must be feeling with his much bigger cock buried inside her, how close the head of his cock is to my wife cervix and how, if he so chooses, he could fill my wife with his seed.

Although most times the guy will pull out before cumming, some have not. Once, she took one of her lovers to our guest room and he fucked her alone for well over an hour there. It was her first time with him and she was hot for him. I watched from the doorway as Lisa got on all fours and presenter herself for him to fuck her from behind. He was 26 years old and I guess my wife's womanly charms overwhelmed him and before long he came inside her. Some photos of that night are to the left and below here.

The next day, as  Lisa and I sat in the kitchen, I kept thinking how millions of his sperm are still swimming inside my wife trying to fertilize her egg. Weird thought, but I think these are the things that must go through every cuckold husbands' mind when this happens. I asked her why she let him cum inside her and she just said she didn't know he was going to do it. He had just let out a moan and shouted that he came  - his dick was still  inside her and she knew he had inseminated her. Cumming inside someone Else's wife is probably the most personal and humiliating form of cuckolding. Since it is at a very fundamental level, the husband and wife's most intimate space.

I keep reminding myself that she is not a slut, she is my wife and a mom who just has needs that I'm unable to satisfy. I have come to understand this and I love her very much - despite my shortcoming as a sexual partner...

Bull filled

Below are some short videos and photos from other dates she's had over the past few years...

my wife was never the same after this night

Lisa filled by black friend March 2011

 

Lisa fucked again by BBC august20011 part1

 

My wife gets filled in the guestroom-as I watch from door

Dating at home alone

Lisa asked me to arrange another date with her 1st partner. It had been a while since she had been with him because of distance and schedules, but he was very good with her and she wanted him again. He is about 10 years younger than her, and is very good at satisfying her needs. He was the first real planned meeting we had after she started seeing other men, their first meeting is described here http://diaryofarealhotwife.blogspot.com/2011/04/meeting-man-closer-to-home.html .

We had planned to meet him at a local hotel on Saturday night, but that fell through when we were invited to a family party out of state the next day. Disapointed, but undaunted, Lisa suggested I attend the party with the kids and she stay home and have her date as planned. She said since we would be out all day, she could have him over the house rather than go to the hotel. I was a bit taken aback by this, but we knew him pretty well and I relented when she explained this would be a comfortable thing for them both.

The afternoon soon came, Lisa took a bath and as has become her custom, she had me shave her for her lover. She brought out a few outfits and told me to pick one. They were all short sexy dresses and I picked a blue one she had never worn before. She put it on and it looked spectacular on her, she put on a pair of fishnet stocking and boots and was very excited for her date.

It was soon time for us to leave, I had butterflies in my stomach, not knowing how this would play out. A few minutes before we left,  Lisa told me to get the video camera and meet her in the bedroom. She told me to pull down my pants, She pulled out the CB3000 chastity lock and told me she wanted me to wear it. I protested, but to no avail. She insisted, and after a few minutes, she had it on me, locked it and put the key around her wrist.

I asked her to text me so that i would know she was alright, to which she agreed. She said she would try to video the date for me, but she wasn't very good at that since I always worked the camera. A few minutes later, I was on the road, the kids in the back seat, my dick locked and my wife was anxiously waiting for another man to come and fuck her.

A few minutes after i arrived at the party, Lisa txted me a photo she had taken of herself, dressed for him just before he arrived.  Moments later another text, saying he had arrived. My dick strained in the chastity device, when I got that message. Thinking back on it I realized this is exactly as she had planned it. For the rest of the afternoon and eveneing I recieved more texts, each briefly describing where they were and what was happening, but no details.

 

 

A few hours went by with no word from her, until finally I get a series of texts 'We are going to the bedroom', 'I'm getting fucked, I have your key', all meant to tease and excite me while I was locked, and at the same time let me know that she was ok.

On the way home she called me and since the kids were in the back seat, we had to keep our conversation to a minimum. She said he was still their but they were done, she said she would call when he left to be certain it was ok for us to come in the house.

When I arrived home we got the kids off to bed quickly and she brought me to the bedroom, where the room was still lit by candles and there was a wine bucket, and empty champagne glasses on the dresser. The video camera was on a tripod near the bed, and our other still camera was on the floor.
She handed the camera to me and told me he had taken a few photos for me, "take a look...".

 

I scrolled through the photos, pictures of Lisa, her dress hiked up, pics of her in her bra and panties, and posing for him in a few different positions. Then, photos of her laying down, her panty pushed aside. Then, more photos, her panties pushed asside, semen clearly visible on her pussy lips. Then A photo of her actually spreading her lips, his cum had splatter her and I  thought I could see it inside her as well. She told me he took the photos after they fucked for over 2 hours. I had to ask, but dredded the likely answer...Did he come insider her?  She told she was sorry, yes, he seemed to have lost control and "he just exploded in there". The photos bear this out.

She hiked her skirt and laid on the bed and said 'now clean me up'.  Knowing his sperm was inside my wife was more than I could take. She pushed my head between her thighs, and told me to lick her. I felt somewhat repulsed by this but at the same time I wanted to get his semen out of her, I could not bear the thought of it swimming inside her as she lay beside me in the bed he had fucked her in.

Here is a short version of what happened that day, no lie...

You can see the entire video here: Lisa cages hub, then has a friend in our bed