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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Thoughts and feelings of a cuckold



Sorry for the delay in posting but unfortunately it seems the photo/video upload feature on this blog weren't working, so it took a while to figure out what was wrong.

For the next 3 years Lisa was very active, playing whenever the opportunity and urges arose. During that time she really was looking for a regular partner but that proved difficult to find. Most times the guys we met would just disappear after they fucked her. This was strange and disappointing because they all seemed to really enjoy her. After fucking her we would wait for them to contact us on yahoo or by email or phone, and with few exceptions there was nothing. I put allot of effort into finding someone good for her and then I would have to do it all over again. We were trying to either find a steady for her or have a small stable of men who were reliable that we could call upon to meet whenever she had the urge. I was tired of asking the same questions, trying to see through the lies, fakers and picture collectors.

So over this period of time there were about 15 different men who Lisa enjoyed, mostly one nighters. One had her 4 times, the rest were one night stands really. They were mostly black because the reality is, they are bigger and size is of great importance to her. She also was turned on by the taboo aspect of having sex with black men. A middle aged wife and mother who had the freedom to have sex with anyone she wanted - this seemed to turn her on, and  to indulge in interracial sex made it all the more exciting. She particularly likes their aggressive nature and animal passion.

My feelings about this are mixed. On the one hand I am deeply wounded and somewhat humiliated by the fact that I do not satisfy my wife's sexual needs. On the other hand there is a part of me that finds her promiscuity exciting. Before each date, I am always extremely excited, nervous and uneasy, there is a queasy feeling in my stomach as she prepares for the night ahead. I've actually hurled a few times as she primped and dressed for a date. Feeling sick to my stomach before her date is part of what I expect even after all these years. It's hard to explain this feeling, but knowing that in a few hours she's going to be giving herself to another man both excites me and makes me sick.

Although the men she meets are always friendly and cordial to me, I wonder what they must think of me. They are using my wife for sex. They have no other motivation other than to fuck her, yet this is the mother of our children, the woman I married and sleep next to each night, the woman I have a life with. And she chooses to have sex with them and not with me. It's pure physical lust but they take what should be mine, and that is a thought that I cannot get out of my head.


I also think a lot about the actual act when I am watching or videoing. I am in the room and a few feet away, there is a man having sex with my wife. I sometimes thing about how he must feel inside her. Before Lisa became sexually active with others, I had fucked her many times over the earlier years of our marriage. I imagine how he must be feeling with his much bigger cock buried inside her, how close the head of his cock is to my wife cervix and how, if he so chooses, he could fill my wife with his seed.



Although most times the guy will pull out before cumming, some have not. Once, she took one of her lovers to our guest room and he fucked her alone for well over an hour there. It was her first time with him and she was hot for him. I watched from the doorway as Lisa got on all fours and presenter herself for him to fuck her from behind. He was 26 years old and I guess my wife's womanly charms overwhelmed him and before long he came inside her. Some photos of that night are to the left and below here.

The next day, as  Lisa and I sat in the kitchen, I kept thinking how millions of his sperm are still swimming inside my wife trying to fertilize her egg. Weird thought, but I think these are the things that must go through every cuckold husbands' mind when this happens. I asked her why she let him cum inside her and she just said she didn't know he was going to do it. He had just let out a moan and shouted that he came  - his dick was still  inside her and she knew he had inseminated her. Cumming inside someone Else's wife is probably the most personal and humiliating form of cuckolding. Since it is at a very fundamental level, the husband and wife's most intimate space.

video
video
video
I keep reminding myself that she is not a slut, she is my wife and a mom who just has needs that I'm unable to satisfy. I have come to understand this and I love her very much - despite my shortcoming as a sexual partner...


Bull filled












Below are some short videos and photos from other dates she's had over the past few years...



my wife was never the same after this night



Lisa filled by black friend March 2011








video

Lisa fucked again by BBC august20011 part1







My wife gets filled in the guestroom-as I watch from door











Thursday, February 14, 2013

Dating at home alone



Lisa asked me to arrange another date with her 1st partner. It had been a while since she had been with him because of distance and schedules, but he was very good with her and she wanted him again. He is about 10 years younger than her, and is very good at satisfying her needs. He was the first real planned meeting we had after she started seeing other men, their first meeting is described here http://diaryofarealhotwife.blogspot.com/2011/04/meeting-man-closer-to-home.html .

We had planned to meet him at a local hotel on Saturday night, but that fell through when we were invited to a family party out of state the next day. Disapointed, but undaunted, Lisa suggested I attend the party with the kids and she stay home and have her date as planned. She said since we would be out all day, she could have him over the house rather than go to the hotel. I was a bit taken aback by this, but we knew him pretty well and I relented when she explained this would be a comfortable thing for them both.

The afternoon soon came, Lisa took a bath and as has become her custom, she had me shave her for her lover. She brought out a few outfits and told me to pick one. They were all short sexy dresses and I picked a blue one she had never worn before. She put it on and it looked spectacular on her, she put on a pair of fishnet stocking and boots and was very excited for her date.

It was soon time for us to leave, I had butterflies in my stomach, not knowing how this would play out. A few minutes before we left,  Lisa told me to get the video camera and meet her in the bedroom. She told me to pull down my pants, She pulled out the CB3000 chastity lock and told me she wanted me to wear it. I protested, but to no avail. She insisted, and after a few minutes, she had it on me, locked it and put the key around her wrist.

I asked her to text me so that i would know she was alright, to which she agreed. She said she would try to video the date for me, but she wasn't very good at that since I always worked the camera. A few minutes later, I was on the road, the kids in the back seat, my dick locked and my wife was anxiously waiting for another man to come and fuck her.

A few minutes after i arrived at the party, Lisa txted me a photo she had taken of herself, dressed for him just before he arrived.  Moments later another text, saying he had arrived. My dick strained in the chastity device, when I got that message. Thinking back on it I realized this is exactly as she had planned it. For the rest of the afternoon and eveneing I recieved more texts, each briefly describing where they were and what was happening, but no details.
 
 

A few hours went by with no word from her, until finally I get a series of texts 'We are going to the bedroom', 'I'm getting fucked, I have your key', all meant to tease and excite me while I was locked, and at the same time let me know that she was ok.

On the way home she called me and since the kids were in the back seat, we had to keep our conversation to a minimum. She said he was still their but they were done, she said she would call when he left to be certain it was ok for us to come in the house.

When I arrived home we got the kids off to bed quickly and she brought me to the bedroom, where the room was still lit by candles and there was a wine bucket, and empty champagne glasses on the dresser. The video camera was on a tripod near the bed, and our other still camera was on the floor.
She handed the camera to me and told me he had taken a few photos for me, "take a look...".
 




I scrolled through the photos, pictures of Lisa, her dress hiked up, pics of her in her bra and panties, and posing for him in a few different positions. Then, photos of her laying down, her panty pushed aside. Then, more photos, her panties pushed asside, semen clearly visible on her pussy lips. Then A photo of her actually spreading her lips, his cum had splatter her and I  thought I could see it inside her as well. She told me he took the photos after they fucked for over 2 hours. I had to ask, but dredded the likely answer...Did he come insider her?  She told she was sorry, yes, he seemed to have lost control and "he just exploded in there". The photos bear this out.

She hiked her skirt and laid on the bed and said 'now clean me up'.  Knowing his sperm was inside my wife was more than I could take. She pushed my head between her thighs, and told me to lick her. I felt somewhat repulsed by this but at the same time I wanted to get his semen out of her, I could not bear the thought of it swimming inside her as she lay beside me in the bed he had fucked her in.

Here is a short version of what happened that day, no lie...


video



You can see the entire video here: Lisa cages hub, then has a friend in our bed





Sunday, December 9, 2012

Chastized, nuetered and cuckolded

Self portrait, dressed for her date



A few men had contacted me in an effort to meet Lisa as well as  Many  "Wannabe's" - guys who wanted their wives to cuckold them. I really did not understand their desire for this and I always cautioned them on this. If you have been reading this block you know that what has transpired with my wife and I over the past years was not my doing, Lisa initiated this and she is the reason I'm cuckold. I am what I call a "reluctant cuckold". While there are now many exciting aspects of this for me, I have never had much control over how this has progressed. Lisa calls the shots, not me and in fact I have tried many times to reign this in to no avail. It seems that once I gave in and accepted Lisa's needs for extramarital sex, that I also gave up control over how this would evolve. 

Many people who contacted me through yahoo IM wanted to see photos and videos of a real cuckold relationship. I would send short clips from the videos I had taken, or I would post them on some of the yahoo groups from time to time. But I could see that people were fascinated by this and one suggested I post full length clips on a site called clips4sale. I posted a few longer clips there after editing out faces and the response to these posts was very positive. I continue to post videos of our journey there and I feel like I am doing something positive by allowing people to see what it's really like to be in a cuckold relationship. So that is how and why the clips4sale page evolved.

One of the husbands on yahoo IM was a classic "wannabe". His wife had no interest in being with other men, yet he had an obsession with it and wanted to know how he can get his wife into it. My advice was, is, and will always be, be careful what you wish for. This is not something to enter into lightly and it is not something I recommend to anyone. Cuckolding must be initiated by the wife. Once it happens, it changes everything. By accepting it you risk relinquishing  your place as your wife's lover. She sees other men as the object of her sexual desires - not you.

Through our chat's this "wannabe" seemed to begin to live out his fantasy of being cucked vicariously through our videos and our chats, where I would describe Lisas' various meetings with guys. One day he suggested that he would like to buy a Chastity device for me. I had no idea what it was, so he sent a link and I read through it. I told him I would be an idiot to have something like that, and that it would make this worse for me than it already was. The thing was over $100, so I thought he was crazy for wanting to buy this but he insisted and eventually i agreed just to get him to stop asking. While I accept my lot as a cuckold husband, I sometimes regret accepting this 'gift', as it effectively neutered me, gradually, in my wife's eyes over the next several years.

My intention was to take the device and never use it but unfortunately, on the day it arrived I was out of town and Lisa received and opened the package. To my great embarrassment, when I got home, Lisa asked me what it was and so I had to explain the whole thing to her. Her reaction was surprising, she was fascinated by it and told me to put it on.

I reluctantly tried to get it on. As I struggled with it, Lisa was reading the instructions. The device is called a CB3000. It required that my balls be inserted through a ring and my penis be inserted in a sleeve, all of which is designed to keep me from masturbating or having sex. I was totally humiliated as I struggled to put this on, but Lisa was all excited. Once it was on she inserted the lock that came with it and said something like, "this is going to be fun".  She said she wanted me to wear it next time she played.
Locked, first time chastity
first time chastity

So this was clearly something that empowered Lisa and it gave her greater control of me sexually - all of which was an aphrodisiac for her. True to her word, from that point forward, whenever she met someone I was compelled to wear the chastity device.

Over the next several months Lisa was quite active, and she was inspired to cuckold me further by this device.

Her next date was with an old friend who was one of the first men to bed her. She met him alone, invited him to our house while I was out at a family function.  They video taped some of it and took a few photos. I will write about that in my next post which I hope will be soon.
In the meantime here is the link to the clips4sale page if you want to read a bit about it:
Lisa cages hub, then has a friend in our bed



She sent this photo showing my key around her wrist - just  after her date  arrived
 

Friday, November 30, 2012

While I'm away, Lisa plays







Around this time I was traveling extensively for work and Lisa was often alone during the week, working and taking care of the household chores and of course the kids. I was on the west coast alot and would always call home each evening to see how things were and catch up on current events.

Lisa was still working at the time and although her job was quite demanding she did have a great deal of flexibilty so she sometimes worked at home rather than going to the office. One evening I called home,  Lisa, she was in bed relaxing. We chit chatted for a bit and I sensed something was weird. A moment or two later, she said, "were your ears ringing this afteroon?...". I had a feeling something was up and she was about to confirm it.

She went on to tell me she worked from home today, and that "Mike" stopped by the house. "Mike" was a former collegue of hers who went on to other things, but had kept in touch with Lisa since leaving the company they both worked for. She explained they had been in touch via email and he was in the area and she invited him over to have lunch. She said he brought a bottle of wine...they ate and drank, she hoped I didn't mind...  I asked the question that I already knew the answer to, "Did anything else happen?"

She told me she needed to use my office computer to look something up for him.  While she was sitting at my desk he began to rub her back, and one thing led to another...She told me she never intended anything to happen, and it was totally unplanned and she would explain when I returned home. She hoped I was not upset.

When I returned home that Friday evening she spilled about what had happened earlier in the week. While she was sitting at my desk, Lisa had told him her back was stiff and he replied that he gives great massages and began massaging her back. Soon his hands were wandering past her back, to her waist, and around her neck. He unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her, she leaned over on my desk and he lifter her skirt.

In the end he said they had sex un my desk, she told me she was very horny and could not stop, especially after having a fwe glasses of wine. Since he was married and Lisa had met his wife, this was totally out of character for her. She never did anything with married men, so I assumed it was the wine tipped things in his favor.

While I was upset, I told her that I understood how this could happen, but we had an agreement that I would always be with her when she is with someone and that it seemed like that is no longer going to be the case. She just smiled, she kissed me, handed me our camera and said "it was as if I was there". Then she told me she had him take a few pictures - for me - and if I didn't want to see them she would just delete them.

When I looked at the photos it was apparent that He had fucked her on my desk, from behind and had cum all over her ass. Every time I sit at that desk I can't help but visualize this guy fucking my wife while I was on the other side of the county.

Although she said she would never do it again, he did end up fucking her again, several months later under similar circumstances. However, she took him to our bed that time and did not take any photos.


Here are a few of the photos.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

The massage

Lisa was quite stressed with the pressures of work so I bought her a gift certificate for a spa that Christmas. She decided to use it one day a few months later so she called for an apointment - She said they asked her if she wanted a male or female massuese and she told the receptionist she preferred a male but it wasn't that important. She left the house and returned about 3 hours later. When she came home she had a mischevous look on her face. She began to tell me about her afternoon.

She said her massuese (John) was a 32 year old who was very nice and very attractive. The massage started very normally, she was naked on the table, covered by a towel, John began by asking her what areas he should concentrate on and what she liked etc. He began massaging her and Lisa said he did a great job. As he worked on her body, Lisa told me she started to feel aroused, the towel accidentally moved, exposing her body to him. He appologized and reached for the towel, Lisa told him that she is not shy and she is very comfortable with her body.

She said the massage progressed normally, except he was now focusing on her private areas. He massaged her thighs, then her ass, and she felt herself getting excited. When she turned over, he massaged her breasts, then moved down. She said they did not speak, but she said she could tell he was getting aroused by his breathing. His hands moved to her pussy and he began to stimulate her. She said a few minutes later his fingers were inside her and she came very quickly.

When the massage ended, they talked a bit, she told him she was married but she was free. It seems he lived in a nearby town and they agreed they would try to get together again soon. she gave him her email address and told him to get in touch with her.

By the time she got home, she had an email from him. They went back and forth a few times but never were able to set a date to meet. A few months went by and she decided she would make an appointment for another massage, this time she asked specifically for John.

The day of the massage, she took a bath before hading to the spa. Before she left, as she was getting dressed, I noticed that she had shaved her pussy, I asked her about this and she told me she had asked for John at the spa...then she finished getting dressed and left.

She called me a few hours later and told me she had a surprise for me me when she gets home. She came home a few minutes later and I asked her how her massage was...She said it was wonderfull then told me to come upstairs to the bedroom with her.

I asked what happened? Did anything happen? She grinned and just got undressed. It was mid-afternoon and the room was well lit, she lay on the bed naked, she spread her legs and told me John gave her the BEST massage she ever had. Then I saw the dried white stains on her belly. She saw that my eyes had noticed this and she grinned and nodded her head, then told me to lay down on top of her. I began to get aroused, and she soon guided me inside her. I remember thinking that Her pussy was soaked like I had never felt before and I slid in with absolutely no resistance.She allowed me to fuck her as she told me all of what had transpired that afternoon...

Lisa told me the massage started like last time but this time she took the towel off at the very bginning, his hands quickly went to her breasts and he began to kiss her. She told me she felt his hardness through his pants, she unzipped him and he dropped his pants. She said his cock was rock hard and quite huge, she sucked his cock and soon he pulled a condom from his pants pocket, put it on and then mounted her in the missionary position on the massage table. She said she had a hard time remaining quiet as he fucked her deep and slow. As things heated up he said he wanted to fuck her in the doggy position, so she got off the table and he fucked her again in this position. She said he made her cum and then he laid her on her back again and fucked her some more, until it was obvious he was about to cum. She said He pulled out, he pulled off the condom and then came powerfully all over her tits and belly.

At that moment I also came all over her, and she seemed pleased with that. She told me she would be going for more massages with him and they agreed they would work out the dates through emails. I guess he eventually left the spa because when she called and asked for him a few weeks later, they said he was no longer with them. they exchanged emails a few times but I guess that was the end of it because she has not heard from him since.