Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Pre-date night anxiety

Lisa's BF contacted me earlier this week and wanted another date with her... tomorrow evening. He will be coming over around 8 or 9 PM Thursday night and although they've been together many times, I always feel an uncomfortable anxiety before the date. I suppose I should be used to it by now but I always feel a pit in my stomach before each date. I can't explain the reason for this and I struggle to understand it.

Lisa has been seeing men for over 20 years now.  There have been random spontaneous one-nighters, planned meetings with men who she expressed interest from online contact, as well casual acquaintances, some semi-regular partners and in most recent years, the young man she considers to be her 'boyfriend'. I guess I'm happy that she has someone she feels comfortable with and who she trusts, but the thought of my wife giving herself to him so freely can sometimes bring me to the point of feeling nauseous, especially in the hours before they meet.

With that comfort comes some mixed feelings for me. He is very good for her in many ways. He is young, athletic, enthusiastic about giving Lisa what she needs and has a very large black cock - which my wife seems to love. Really everything she could ever want. Their sexual compatibility and chemistry can't be denied, even by me, her husband. I try to imagine how he must feel. He knows he is able to satisfy my wife, he knows I know that she has wants him sexually and not me. He knows he is 20+ years younger than her and I and I wonder sometimes what a feeling of power and superiority that must be for him.

Although I accepted my place as a cuckold husband, it is a retched place to be at times like just before her dates arrive. Once they are together I still feel anxiety, but I get to a more peaceful place of acceptance of what's happening. After all once he is with her, there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening.  He will fuck my wife. Lisa will have orgasms with him. Then he will leave and we will go on with our normal lives until their desire for each other bring him back for more.

If you've followed this blog at all, you know that most of the men Lisa has been with do not cum inside her. That is the most humiliating thing another man can do to a cuckold like myself. Accepting the sperm of another man is the ultimate form of cuckoldry. There have been a few, who in the heat of the moment have done it, but most have pulled out. Her current lover has reached a significant place with regard to this. He has cum inside her several times over the past 2 years and most recently she actually asked him if he was going to do it - which of course he did. Accepting and actually wanting another man's sperm is a big step for Lisa. I accept that it is natural for him to want to do this as well. It is natural for a man to want to leave his seed inside a woman, but in this case, the woman is my wife and when he ejaculates inside her I am cuckolded to another level. Lisa is 53 years old and is going through change of life, nevertheless, I know His sperm will swim be inside my wife trying to find their mark for hours after he leaves.

Wish me luck, I will have a very sleepless and restless night especially after the text I exchanged with him earlier today.