Thursday, August 8, 2013

Thoughts and feelings of a cuckold

Sorry for the delay in posting but unfortunately it seems the photo/video upload feature on this blog weren't working, so it took a while to figure out what was wrong.

For the next 3 years Lisa was very active, playing whenever the opportunity and urges arose. During that time she really was looking for a regular partner but that proved difficult to find. Most times the guys we met would just disappear after they fucked her. This was strange and disappointing because they all seemed to really enjoy her. After fucking her we would wait for them to contact us on yahoo or by email or phone, and with few exceptions there was nothing. I put allot of effort into finding someone good for her and then I would have to do it all over again. We were trying to either find a steady for her or have a small stable of men who were reliable that we could call upon to meet whenever she had the urge. I was tired of asking the same questions, trying to see through the lies, fakers and picture collectors.

So over this period of time there were about 15 different men who Lisa enjoyed, mostly one nighters. One had her 4 times, the rest were one night stands really. They were mostly black because the reality is, they are bigger and size is of great importance to her. She also was turned on by the taboo aspect of having sex with black men. A middle aged wife and mother who had the freedom to have sex with anyone she wanted - this seemed to turn her on, and  to indulge in interracial sex made it all the more exciting. She particularly likes their aggressive nature and animal passion.

My feelings about this are mixed. On the one hand I am deeply wounded and somewhat humiliated by the fact that I do not satisfy my wife's sexual needs. On the other hand there is a part of me that finds her promiscuity exciting. Before each date, I am always extremely excited, nervous and uneasy, there is a queasy feeling in my stomach as she prepares for the night ahead. I've actually hurled a few times as she primped and dressed for a date. Feeling sick to my stomach before her date is part of what I expect even after all these years. It's hard to explain this feeling, but knowing that in a few hours she's going to be giving herself to another man both excites me and makes me sick.

Although the men she meets are always friendly and cordial to me, I wonder what they must think of me. They are using my wife for sex. They have no other motivation other than to fuck her, yet this is the mother of our children, the woman I married and sleep next to each night, the woman I have a life with. And she chooses to have sex with them and not with me. It's pure physical lust but they take what should be mine, and that is a thought that I cannot get out of my head.

I also think a lot about the actual act when I am watching or videoing. I am in the room and a few feet away, there is a man having sex with my wife. I sometimes thing about how he must feel inside her. Before Lisa became sexually active with others, I had fucked her many times over the earlier years of our marriage. I imagine how he must be feeling with his much bigger cock buried inside her, how close the head of his cock is to my wife cervix and how, if he so chooses, he could fill my wife with his seed.

Although most times the guy will pull out before cumming, some have not. Once, she took one of her lovers to our guest room and he fucked her alone for well over an hour there. It was her first time with him and she was hot for him. I watched from the doorway as Lisa got on all fours and presenter herself for him to fuck her from behind. He was 26 years old and I guess my wife's womanly charms overwhelmed him and before long he came inside her. Some photos of that night are to the left and below here.

The next day, as  Lisa and I sat in the kitchen, I kept thinking how millions of his sperm are still swimming inside my wife trying to fertilize her egg. Weird thought, but I think these are the things that must go through every cuckold husbands' mind when this happens. I asked her why she let him cum inside her and she just said she didn't know he was going to do it. He had just let out a moan and shouted that he came  - his dick was still  inside her and she knew he had inseminated her. Cumming inside someone Else's wife is probably the most personal and humiliating form of cuckolding. Since it is at a very fundamental level, the husband and wife's most intimate space.

I keep reminding myself that she is not a slut, she is my wife and a mom who just has needs that I'm unable to satisfy. I have come to understand this and I love her very much - despite my shortcoming as a sexual partner...

Bull filled

Below are some short videos and photos from other dates she's had over the past few years...

my wife was never the same after this night

Lisa filled by black friend March 2011

Lisa fucked again by BBC august20011 part1

My wife gets filled in the guestroom-as I watch from door