Tuesday, July 5, 2011
When we returned home, I began thinking about what had happened and how things had changed so rapidly over the past year or 2. I never imagined the woman I had married a few years earlier would transform in such a profound way. Lisa was never promiscuous in her teens or 20's and it seemed very out of character to me. In considering this, I had to ask myself why this was happening. It seemed like I was on a train that had suddenly jumped the tracks and was headed in a totally different direction.
Our home life was still happy, we had a young child, a comfortable lifestyle and a great family. Yet, sexually, Lisa seemed restless and very adventurous. I began to think...this really isn't that bad, we are still happy, she just likes the excitement of this and I figured I wasn't really providing that for her. She didn't want to have affairs, or relationships with the men she had been with. She simply wanted sex. And it wasn't like she was doing it every day, or every week even. It was only when she got restless and I guess a bit horny.
I also recognized that all of these trists had a common link which was alcohol. Lisa seemed to loose her inhibitions with a few drinks, which I guess also seemed normal.
Somewhere during this timeframe I began to just accept that this was going to happen from time to time, and that it wasn't all that bad. Although the vision of these other men using my wife as if she was a slut was a bit hard to swallow, it was also exciting to see her in such a state of extacy.
These thoughts began to creep into my head more and more frequently and I would sometimes what the video to try to find clues as to what really turned Lisa on about these trysts. While on the one hand seeing the replay of other men fucking my wife was like awefull for me, it was also exciting. I remember watching the videos and thinking... if she just said no when he put his hands on her thigh, if she just didn't kiss him back or hadn't spread her legs as he ran his hands up her dress... this might turn out differently. But each time I saw how willing and wanting she was, seemingly needing what this other man was about to give her.
So this was clearly the beginning of a journey for us as a couple. We didn't know how long it would last or how to really deal with it but we were going to stay together as a happily married couple and see where this would lead. Day to day life was as normal as any, but there was a secret side of Lisa that no one else knew of other than her and I, and the men who had fucked her.
I found myself thinking about the guys she had been with and what they must be thinking. 3 of them had fucked her right in front of me, with no consideration, regret or guilt about it whatsoever. They must think I'm such a jerk to just sit by and let them fuck my wife and use her. Another (a family friend) had fucked her while i was away on a business trip and we would see him around town often. He knew he fucked Lisa of course, but he didn't realize Lisa had told me what they had done. Another fucked her while she was on a business trip. They all knew she was married, and they fucked her anyway.
Lisa and I didn't talk too much about it at this time, this was a very compartmentalized thing for us at this point. It struck me how normal we must seem to others in day to day life. It hit me one day while we were at a local amusement park with our kid. There she was, a 30 something mom, holding her 4 year olds hand waiting to go on the tea cup ride.
Yet we had a secret that no one could know. No one would ever suspect that the woman standing next to them had this promiscuous side, she had been fucked by 5 differnt men. Lisa had sexual needs and desires that I was not satisfying. I was beginning to accept that this small portion of our lives was something we were going to be dealing with for awhile.